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Here it is, the forth of July weekend. This one is a long three day weekend for me and I was just informed I could take off early to get it started. Never look a gift horse in the mouth, just accept it. So here I sit, expecting to be working but having some free time. Guess I can update my journal. Last few weeks have been pretty busy both work wise and socially. First socially. Since my last post I have taken a couple of trips, one to Austin and one to Amarillo. Both were to see or be with friends and both were very enjoyable. It's always nice to spend down time with friends. Can't believe how quiet Amarillo was. Spend four days there in a cabin on the rim of Palo Duro canyon. Way cool. We had two cabins and three couples. Fortunately we ended up being the couple that got the single cabin (even/odd to make the choice). Every night ended with my wife and I sitting out in back of our cabin talking and watching the stars light up the sky while we sipped our adult beverages. What a nice way to end the day. Did some hiking and horse back ridding while we were there. All in all had a really good time. Austin was to be with my son's family. Although I always have good time there, I sometimes feel like the odd man out. Just not social enough I guess. He did have a party while we were there and go to meet some new people. The nice thing is these are people I don't have to impress so I can participate in conversations and pretty much take any side I want. Makes for some interesting discussions. Work has been going. Nothing too hectic for the last few weeks. I did get a pretty easy programming assignment that was not due for two months so that was nice. Able to do things at a really slow pace without a lot of pressure to get it done. That was until two weeks later when I was informed the date they requested was wrong. They actually needed the completed product two days ago. So instead of having a nice easy programming task over two months I ended up doing two really late nights and full days so I could get it done as soon as possible. They asked if I could get it done in a day and half so it would be ready for a special release they were working on. To my amazement I managed to pull it off. Made me look good but man am I tired. I can't do those back to back 20 hour days anymore. Really pissed me off when they changed the date but once it was done I felt pretty good about it. I think what really pissed me off is my boss and I had a conversation about it about three days after it was assigned and made a joke about having two months to get it done in. You'd think he would have caught the date error then. What I think happened is the original date was correct but upper management decided at the last minute that it could go into the special release so they suddenly changed the date. My manager was unable to cut this off so he just passed it to me. I would feel better about him if he told be that is what happened. Right now it's like he screwed me because he decided he could. I don't want to think that way of him, so I hope I am right about upper management. I guess reality is just how we perceive it, so it does not really matter what the truth is, only what I believe. Been Facebooking it lately. I like it. Sometimes there are things said or referenced that I am passionate about so it gives me a chance to express my opinions. Funny how many people won't commit to anything on there. I guess they are too worried about upsetting someone. I'm too old to worry about that. Take me like I am or don't take me at all. The choice is yours, just understand I am who I am and I'm not really out there to piss you off, just to be true to my beliefs. Think I will go have some fun. Current Location: home Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: Dire Straits
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It's hot. Even though it's only June, summer has arrived. The nights are no longer cooling off, they are just not as hot. It's warm enough that when I took the trash out today it felt good to get back into the air conditioner. Given that it's 7am you know it means the day will get hot. By this afternoon it will be oppressive, the kind of heat that makes you just want to sit in the shade and drink lemon aid. Work has been a bitch. The offshore company is now coming back with more and more things that either can't be done or are having problems with something that doesn't work and they can't fix. It was to be expected but that does not make dealing with it any easier. Over the course of the week, and it's only Wednesday, five of these kinds of issues have popped up. Unfortunately I am the one that has to bring it to our on-shore team. The hope is they don't shoot the messenger. Still up in the air about going back to India. I have the person that has to make the decision on our side of the world committed to making a decision about going or not by the end of the week. At least that will clear half the track. It will then have to be decided who is going and how long they will be there but at least the uncertainty of going or not will be over. I have this feeling we are bleeding money again. Most of it's my fault and some of it's just the way of life. Last month I went to the coast to do some fishing which costs about $400, follow that by having to pay for my dove lease another $200, put on it a new pool for $2100, and one more trip down to the coast to fish for another $400 and you start to get some big money. Now add to that the $3000 I paid for my new truck, as well as the monthly payments that go with it and you begin to see what I mean by bleeding money. $6100 dollars of out or pocket expenses in two months is a lot. Then there is my wife's car, in the shop twice last month for another $800 and you see we are in hemorrhage mode. I don't actually see an end to it very soon either. We have yet another trip with friends in two weeks that will cost us quite a bit. So like I said, I feel we are bleeding money. Time to to stop and take a look at where we are and hopefully something can be done about it. At the very least start trying to space out what I am spending. It would not be a bad thing to spend $1000 dollars on fun entertainment but just not do it all in a two month period. Understand the cars were a necessity, although I did not have to get as big a truck as I got, and the pool will last at least 10 years, but the rest of it is just money out the door. So looks like putting a pool in is the work of the weekend. We have one up already but it needs to be replaced. The new one will be available for pick-up on Friday (with my new big red truck). Have to take down the old one, re-prep the site, and get the new one in place. I can see it will take me all weekend to get that done. But it is time, the current one has been up for almost 15 years. A lot of rust and a lot of plastic pieces beginning to break off. It sure would be nice if the new one lasts this long. No reason it shouldn't, but then again....... Been working out and trying to lose my belly for the past few months. I am very dissatisfied with the results. I have been working with a trainer and I like the workout we get but I don't see a lot of improvement in my looks. Lost a couple of inches in the waist but it is still too big and not cut enough for me. I did body for life a few years ago and I looked awesome, then the trip to India with no place to workout put it all back on. I would like to get back to how I looked a couple of years ago but I just don't see the improvement happening. It's like I had a great start but then just stalled and haven't made any improvements since. I am going to add two more aerobic workouts during the day and see if that makes a difference. I sure hope so. Speaking of, I have to get out of here if I plan to get one of those aerobic workouts in today. Current Location: home/work Current Mood: drained Current Music: none
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It has been a couple of weeks since I felt the urge to post. I have been thinking a lot lately about my lack of happiness in my life. Considering how good I have it I can't see any reason why I am not happy all the time. I think I finally found the answer, or at least part of the answer. I'm not unhappy. Huh? you might ask. How can he suddenly change? But I didn't suddenly change. I don't think I am looking for happiness, I have that. I am looking for purpose. That I don't have. When you are young, which I am no longer, you have your whole life before you. You start out carefree and floating and eventually move into the purpose filled days of husband and father. As your nest grows the purpose of your life is to provide for your family. Eventually the family grows up, and if you are lucky, moves out. There is still a purpose to your life, that is to build the retirement income to provide for your wife as you both grow older. But suddenly I have reached an interesting place. My child is self-sufficient, my nest egg is large enough to at least adequately provide for my wife if something happens to me, yet I am still working. The problem is I no longer know why I am working. Don't get me wrong, I still have to work to continue the lifestyle I have grown accustomed to, but I have been asking myself if the lifestyle is worth it. In my case the answer is yes but I need more of a purpose in life then just keeping my current lifestyle. I have to have a goal, a reason, a purpose. That is what I have been missing. And the really funny thing is I don't need a really big purpose. It's not like I have to save the world or "make my mark". I was happy this weekend just to accomplish a list of honey do's my wife had. I had a purpose, to fix or create or change the things on her list. And I was a happy camper. Knowing this brings the next big question. What is my purpose in life? What am I striving for? This brings me to the part of the answer I don't have. I still have not decided what the purpose will be. It could spiritual, but I don't buy into the god thing. In my past life I was Marine and served in a war. Any god that will let that happen does not deserve to be held in high esteem. At least not from me. So that's probably out for me. Still there are many useful things left in life to accomplish, I just need to figure out which one I will tackle. Or maybe I should start much smaller, pick something like painting the house, think about what my next big goal will be. At least painting the house would give me a lot of quiet hours to meditate on what my next goal will be. Or maybe I should at least start a little higher, donate my time to a food shelter or something along those lines. Something a little higher on the do good meter. Well I don't know what I will choose but at least I now know something more about myself and can start working in the right direction to improve my outlook on life. Current Location: home/work Current Mood: okay Current Music: None
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Yesterday was the day my grand daughter had her doctors appointment to try and figure out the therapy that would be used to fix her leg (see previous posts for the problem). The answer is things are going well and let nature take it's course. Turns out she has probably had this issue for at least a year. The unusual thing was the pain it caused this late in the progression of things. Usually the pain comes early not late in the process. Probably caused by something she did but they don't know for sure. Anyway, the result is she is not on bed rest anymore, although she should be taking it easy. No jumping or doing things that are hard jarring on the leg. Other than that she is "free to move about". Of all the things we thought would come out of the appointment no one even began to hope it would be this good. Basically she is working through it, and let it be. We all talked about a hospital confinement and in the backs of everyone's mind was surgery. To have them say, just let it go and watch it was not even on the radar screen. As for the pain and the limp, the pain seems to be under control due to the bed rest and the bone having time to heal and they say the limp will go away. Right now it more habit than anything else. She will stop it on her own. So no more bed rest (unless she reaggravatesthe joint), no wheelchair, no hospital stay, no traction, no surgery, nothing. Just go back to being a kid. So sometimes good things do happen to good people. Work has been a beast. I had a programming assignment which is in my blood, but unfortunately it was to be done in parallel with my current work. Basically that means I am doing two jobs in the time span of a week. Not much sleep and lots of stress (see above) but I managed to get it done in time. Turned it in yesterday. Of course it has to go through QA but I think it will pass without much of any issue. I tested it pretty well and hopefully QA will not find a lot of issues. But I know our QA, they will find something, even if I have to fight to prove it is not an error or issue. Just the nature of the job. Well finishing the project along with the joy of the doctors determination made yesterday one of the best days I have had in quite a while. The euphoria feeling was a wonderful gift. Looking back at it, I don't understand why I don't feel that way all the time. I have a good job, a good home, a good wife, basically a good life. Yet somehow I manage to let myself get pushed down into feeling I am not worthy, that my job could go away, I might lose my home (it's paid for), and my marriage isn't "perfect". How can someone with so much going for them be so damn insecure? Current Location: work/home Current Mood: ecstatic Current Music: Sara McLachlan - Mary
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And another week goes by. Got the good news this week, my grand daughter will be coming up here for an appointment with Scottish Rite Children's Hospital. That means she will be seen by some of the most knowledgeable children's doctors in the country. Apparently they are very familiar with her disorder and have a treatment approach that appears to work "most" of the time. She is currently on 100% bed rest to keep her off her hip with the hope that it will help the leg bone move back into place and start to regrow in the correct place and have the correct shape. From what I can tell they will probably put her in traction in the hospital here for a couple of weeks to promote the right place in the re-growth process. From there it's just a wait and see game. If all goes well she will recover on her own and be out and about in the next 6 to 8 weeks. That would be a good thing. Friend of mine retired a few months ago. As I talked about in previous posts, I am not sure I will be able to do that because of how wrapped up in my work my self worth is. But watching her have all the free time she wants sure does make me jealous. Wish I had that kind of time. Had lunch with her yesterday and she was in no hurry to get there and in no hurry to leave. Just sort of running on her own time, doing her own thing. I know money is a little tighter for her family but she says the free time is well worth the lower income. They have enough to pay the bills with a little left over for some fun, and what more could you ask for? Hope I can see it that way when I finally get there. Of course with the dive the stock market has taken in the last year it feels like I will never be able to retire. Just won't have the money. But I am still hanging in there, I believe it will come back up before I reach a retirement age. I hope to regain what I lost in this downturn. If I can at least get back to that point I should be OK. Not rich, and probably not able to travel as much as I would like, but I will be OK. Supposed to be working, but I am sitting here waiting on some input from someone else. They don't seem to be in a very big hurry to get me what I need to continue. Not a bad gig though, listening to music at home, no one looking over your shoulder and still getting paid. One of those gigs you keep as long as you can. Seems to be the week of personal turmoil. My wife and her father are having a difficult time dealing with each other. He feels she is too much into his business and she feels he will not ask her if he needs help. His wife (her step mother of sorts) was having back pains and ended up in the hospital. He didn't inform her until it was all over three days later. She was really pissed that he didn't call and at least let her know something was going on. Not that there was much she could have done, but at least she would have had the ability to offer or attempt to make things easier for him. Seems it must have caused a pretty big issue between them. He arrived today with a letter trying to explain his feelings and what went on. Said he does not discuss feeling very well but he can write about them. Will be interesting to see how that goes down with her. Supposed to spend the day tomorrow at a good old fashion barn raising. Friend of mine is wanting to put up a 20 foot by 40 foot shop on his property. Bunch of us are going to show up in the morning and see how much we can get done on it in a day. Hopefully we will be able to get the framing up and maybe even the walls. That would be a good days work. It will be nice to do some good old fashion hard work for a change. I don't get enough of that in my life. I try to make up for it by going to the gym and working hard to maintain at least a reasonable body. I wouldn't say I am in perfect health or shape, but I work hard at trying not to get too bad. Given my age, and the fact that I still play soccer, I guess it is working to some extent. I sure feel I am in better shape than most of the people I know, that's for sure. Ooooo, aren't I just the perfect boy!!! Well on that little bit of bragging I will get out of here and go back to work. Current Location: work/home Current Mood: chipper Current Music: Tori Amos - Playboy Mommy
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Here it is Monday already. Once again I am back in the grind. All in all I had a pretty relaxing weekend. Although I did get a lot done, none of it was under pressure. Just a nice relaxing pace to get things off the "to do" list.
Friday was soccer. Played to a four-four tie. The game was fast paced, but cleanly played. Either team could have won. One of those games you really enjoy playing in. We seem to be a much better passing team this year. If we could get some power up front we could be a contender, but we have always been a middle run team so I wouldn't expect that to change. As far as I am concerned, as long as they let me play and I don't get hurt I am a big winner. Not many people my age out there to begin with, so having a team that accepts me and lets me play is all I will ask for. Saturday was just a knock around day. National trash pick up day, so I devoted some time to that, then went to a friends and made a composter. He had a 30 gallon plastic barrel and we created a composter out of it. Had an easy way to mount it to a stand I already have so with the spending of 30 bucks and an hour it was done. Actually looks reasonable, should work, and is placed in a place where it should be usable for Patricia's garden. Trying to get her into the green scene. She now has three 325 gallon tanks that hold rain water, a composter, raised beds, and a way to pump her water from the tanks to the garden. Hopefully the water will last for a little while into the summer. No hope for 1,000 gallons of water to get her through the whole summer here. Too hot and too dry but it will save some. We are already talking about adding another tank or two for both collecting and storage. As long as the tanks remain at an affordable price we can do that. Saturday night we went to a local city theater and watched seven one act plays being preformed. All in all they were pretty good. Well acted and professionally done. A couple of them were really funny. One of them was about a couple being shown a home by a realtor for purchase. While they are there another realtor and a single woman show up. The single woman say's she will buy the home just as it is, with everything shown included, as long as the husband of the other couple is also part of the deal. Needless to say this leads to a pretty funny interaction between all involved. Really funny concept. Basically we had a really good time. We were there with another couple and went to dinner afterwords. Nice evening with friends. Sunday was spend shopping for a new truck for me, no I didn't buy one yet, and cleaning up the downstairs. If you have read my last post you know my grand daughter is pretty sick. Looks like she and at least one of her parents will be coming up here for a week or so to let a specialist here do a second opinion on her. They will need a place to stay, so of course we expect they will stay here. Wanted the downstairs clean when they get here. Watched a Net Flick last night that was pretty good. A thriller having to do with tourist traveling in Russia. Had a twisted ending that was pretty good. Lots of stuff I didn't see coming. Talked about taking the afternoon off today and going to the local professional baseball teams opening day. Problem is it got cold. In the mid 40's with a 30 mph wind blowing. Just way to cold for me to want to spend the afternoon sitting in a metal chair watching a ballgame. Even if they server beer, it was just too cold. Can't imagine sitting in a wind chill in the 30's to see someone else play a sport. Maybe I will play hooky next day game, but not this one. Guess it's time to get back to work, that is why they pay you know. Current Location: work/home Current Mood: okay Current Music: Paula Cole - I don't want to wait
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So here I sit on a Friday with absolutely nothing to do at work. I can't remember the last time I actually felt I was totally caught up at work. I know it won't last long so I need to enjoy it while it lasts. Still it feels kind of awkward to not have anything pressing to do. There are things I could do but nothing is so pressing it has to be dealt with today. So I have been spending the afternoon surfing the net, playing on Facebook and playing games. The really bad thing is that I am bored. I woul dust as soon be doing something or going out some where. I shouldn't complain though, there are a bunch of people out there that don't even have a job and here I am sitting on my butt and getting paid. One half a day won't make any big difference but if this were to keep up I would get worried, thinking I need to maybe find a different company. Maybe I am living in a cave but I don't really think that is going to happen in this position. My company depends on it's revenue from school systems and if anything they are going to get more money through the bail out by the government. That means we stand a good change of earning more, not less, business. Just got back from my trip to the southwest area of the state. Had a great time, laughing and enjoying the fellowship of the friends we took with us. All in all the trip was a really good one. My wife and I took her mothers ashes and spread them around in a place she really liked. It was sad, but it was right, if you know what I mean. She needed to get out of her box and be free in the wind and the sunshine. The downside is it was something of a last good-bye from a daughter to a mother. Not that she will ever forget her mother or anything like that, but still, it was sad. Been working out lately. Well I have been doing that for a while now but I actually hired a personal trainer to move me along. I'm torn about the results. It's only been a month but I have seen no improvement in how I look. Maybe I have gained a little muscle but my main desire is to lose the tire around my waist. I'm about 10 pounds overweight and believe most of that weight sits right on my belly. I was hoping that by working out with this guy I could lose that and start to look pretty good. Doesn't seem that is going to happen. I guess part of it is that we only work out two days a week and I don't think that is enough. I guess I need to start going to the gym on my off days and do some kind of aerobic workout. I can do it at lunch, just been too busy lately to feel I have the time. But the only way this is going to get any better is if I put my all into it and working out two days a week is not putting my all into it. Thinking about buying a new car. The one I drive is 15 years old with 180K on it. The prices out there are really good now so if I am going to bite the bullet I should do it now. The problem is it is still running with no problems. Yea it could use some shocks, and the interior could use a redo and the air does not work and the radio was stolen out of it. But still, it runs like a top and it's paid for. I really don't want to take on a new payment right now, but it's hard to pass up what is out there knowing if I don't do it now I will do it in the next year. Guess I need to have that serious conversation with my wife and see where we stand on the bills. Economy is in the dumps. Lots of people losing their jobs, lots of bad news in the press about the future 6 - 12 months. Funny, in the past I have worried what would happen if I got laid off, but this time I feel safe for some reason. Maybe it's because I am in the education business and that is one of the places they are throwing money, or maybe I'm just being stupid. Only time will tell I guess. At least I am making the best of what I have, taking classes to catch me up on the latest trends and charging it back to the company. Just hope this job lasts through it. I can see myself spending another five or six years here and retiring. That is if the stock market will come back. I have been taking a beating in the market, losing about $125K in the last year. Not a lot by the standards of the rich but for me that is my nest egg. Not sure I will be able to afford to quit work if I can't get it back up to something near $500K, which means I will have to almost double what I have. I am hoping that I am doing the right thing by continuing to buy while the price is low. Hopefully when the prices go back up I have purchased enough shares at cheap that I really will realize my goal. That's the plan anyway. Current Location: home/work Current Mood: bored Current Music: Jimmy LaFave - When the tears fall down
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Hard for me to believe Feb. is over. Can't say it was a super interesting month but than again I can't complain either. I guess I have two high points that seem to stick out. The first is I was contacted by my former girlfriend again. This time I chose to answer her. No sense in playing like I am not who I am. A couple of emails between us and she figured out I was happily married. Since then I have heard nothing from her. Kind of makes me think she was trolling for potential mates. I guess I should be flattered, at least she was looking for me after all these years. I guess she still has fond memories of what we had going at one time. The nice thing is I do have fond memories. She was a nice girl and if things had turned a little differently I could have ended up with her. Not that I am looking to change things in my life or that I have any regrets as to where I went when we left each other, but with a couple of small changes it could have happened. The other big thing for me last month was a very short notice hunting trip. Was invited to go to the southern portion of the state and do a little deer hunting. The invite came on Wednesday, left on Friday and came back on Sunday. Turned out to be a pretty good deal. Took a doe, a pig and an alligator. It is deer season, there is no pig season so you can take one anytime, and the alligator was permitted by the land owner to take because it was becoming a nuisance. Due to the lack of rain it had managed to get itself stuck in a pond that was drying up. It must have gotten pretty hungry because it was pretty much checking out anything that came even close to the edge of the water. The land owner was worried about the cows and people that come by. So we took it out. I should explain I am no trophy hunter, I eat everything I kill or I don't kill it. I have no issues butchering my kill and actually feel everyone who eats meat should be required to see how it is obtained. If you have problems seeing the process you probably shouldn't be eating it. That being said, I feel really bad about killing the alligator. Not that we did not butcher it, nor is there any doubt we will eat it, but there is so little usable meat on the body it is not worth killing such a beautiful animal for. Once it was out of the water and cleaned up I realized how beautiful they are. Then once we started butchering and I saw how little meat actually come off the carcass I realized it was a mistake to kill it. Yea it was a nuisance but it could have been relocated rather than killed. I can assure you there will not be a next time for me. But other than that small downer the trip was a lot of fun. Five guys, good hunting, plentiful deer, lots of booze and BS. Perfect guy hunting trip. The highlight of the trip was probably Saturday night when we cut up some of what we killed during the day, cooked it, and sat around the fire enjoying our kill and telling one upmanship stories. Really was a great get away weekend. Getting ready for another out of town trip this coming weekend. Another couple and us are going to head to the southwestern part of the state and spend a long weekend. My wife is from that part of the state and the other couple has never been there so it will be fun. We have known this couple for a long time and know we are compatible so the trip will be a lot fun. It's an outdoors part of the state so I know I will enjoy the hiking and moving around in the wide open spaces. Current Location: work/home Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: Amanda Marshall
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July 2009 |
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